The Beginner Guide to Anal Sex

Bumming, butt stuff, dookie love. Whatever you call it, anal sex is on the up. While it doesn’t float everyone’s boat, a growing number of men and women (a combined 78 per cent according to The National Survey of Family Growth in 2016) have tried it at least once.

Aside from being the ultimate form of birth control, some women can also experience orgasm through anal penetration and equally for guys, the butt is home to the prostate (or ‘male g-spot’). If ever there was a reason to give anal sex a go surely this is it, so here are the cold ass facts for doing it right.

The Talk

Everyone likes surprises and everyone like sex. So it makes sense to combine the two, right? Wrong. Anatomical and, erm, logistical issues aside (we’ll get to those in a minute) issues, just ‘sticking it in’ is a surefire way to put any partner off anal sex for life.

Talk about it beforehand; it may be something new to the other person or something they have wanted to ask you. Make sure you are both in agreement that it’s something you want to try, and it’s not one person doing it to please the other.


Preparation is key to a pain (and mess) free anal experience. There is no way to beat around the back door with this one – chowing down on heavy Mexican food or hot drinks that might encourage bowel movements beforehand might not be the best idea.

Of course, there can be some ‘collateral damage’ that comes with the territory, but the risk can be minimised by doing the business before doing the business, being freshly showered and even using an anal douche for extra precaution.

Set The Mood

There’s a fine line between ‘attempting’ and ‘enjoying’ anal sex, and along with preparation, setting the mood is one of the major factors in determining this.

Opt for a slow and sensual approach, with the aim building adequate relaxation and arousal, as opposed to a quick wham bam, and it should feel good for both. Turn off your phones, light some candles and put some relaxing music on.


The ins and outs of anal sex aren’t limited to, well, the ins and outs. Foreplay is a major part of the act and can help warm up the butt for bigger things to come.

A body massage can be a great way to get a partner into a relaxed state. Explore are the perineum (i.e. ‘the gooch’) before working down to the anus. You may also want to try some anal lingus (rimming) before moving on exploring further with a lubed up finger or sex toys.


Lube. Lots of lube. Like, lube on you, lube on them. And go slow. This part takes time and patience. You may need to build up to full penetration over a couple of sessions, and at first it can help to keep to positions that allow shallow penetration.

Missionary can be a good starter as the thighs and bum cheeks act as a buffer. Allowing whoever is on top to control the depth and go at their own pace.

Communication And Feedback

Despite any horror stories you may have heard, the risk to return ratio of anal sex is a positive one when done right. The final, and arguably most important, thing to remember is communication and feedback. After lube, that is.

Communication isn’t just about what is said; it’s also about reading the physiology of each other’s bodies and how they respond to different movements and positions, the sounds they make and the faces they pull. If that O-face is more of an Oww-face, it’s probably worth trying to switch things up.


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